Diary of a Mad Diva

By Joan Rivers

Following up the outstanding luck of her headline-making New York Times bestseller I Hate Everyone...Starting With Me, the unstoppable Joan Rivers is at it back. while her daughter Melissa provides her a diary for Christmas, firstly Joan is horrified—who the hell does Melissa imagine she is? That fats pig, Bridget Jones? yet as Joan, being either attractive and introspective, starts off to checklist her day by day musings, she realizes she has much to say.

About every little thing. and everybody, God support them.

the outcome? A no-holds-barred, delightfully vicious and constantly hilarious examine the standard lifetime of the last word diva. keep on with Joan on a relatives holiday in Mexico and on journeys among big apple and la the place she mingles with the celebrities, by no means lacking a beat as she supplies blistering evaluations on present occasions, and excoriating insights approximately existence, popular culture, and celebrities (from A to D list), all in her relentlessly humorous signature style.

this is often the Diary of a Mad Diva. For the 1st time in a century, a diary via an individual that’s really worthy reading.

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One minute you’re chatting with Janice from Roslyn Heights, and the subsequent minute it’s Cressida, historic goddess of floor transportation. a number of years in the past my buddy, the comic Roseanne, introduced that she had twenty-six varied personalities. i used to be surprised. You’d imagine not less than one in all them would’ve long past on a vitamin. I don’t think in a number of personalities; i feel it’s only a long way of now not paying your debts. “Joan-Thrifty” might by no means put on $1,500 sneakers. “Here, they’re just a little worn, take ’em again.

She additionally has no limitations, so correct in the midst of dinner at Joe Allen, simply because the waiter used to be bringing us our lump crabs, she hikes up her shirt, strikes her boobs and offers herself a shot of insulin. where went silent; it used to be quieter than Auschwitz the morning after bathe day. She appeared round on the appalled consumers and acknowledged, “What? i've got diabetes! ” the man on the subsequent desk acknowledged, “So what? i've got colitis. you will want me take a shit within the coatroom? ” APRIL 7 expensive Diary: I hate—not dislike; now not am mildly pissed off by—really hate that frustrating, pasty-faced woman who performs Flo within the revolutionary assurance advertisements.

Jesse B. likes Denny’s blueberry waffles. ” “Tim is on the espresso Bean with Aaron and he’s having an coffee. ” the one means I’d care if Tim used to be on the espresso Bean will be if he was once there with a locked and loaded AK-47 and was once having an episode. If Tim opened fireplace at the bunch of pretentious assholes who have been sipping their Double Venti Chai eco-friendly Teas, then, and in simple terms then, would it not be worthy my time to learn indignant Timmy’s publish. might eleven expensive Diary: removed fb this present day and that i consider as unfastened because the girl within the tampon advertisement who can move swimming, browsing or cliff diving inspite of her heavy circulate.

Chaz says she “identifies as a guy. ” Excuse me, Chaz, you continue to have a vagina. carry a replicate among your knees and element it up! I don’t care if she lopped off her titties with a backyard Weasel and has mats of hair plus a battleship tattoo on her chest; if she has a vagina, she’s nonetheless a girl. What if i made a decision to spot as a espresso desk? no matter if i've got my legs polished and positioned a lamp on my head, technically, if i've got a vagina, I’d nonetheless be a girl. And why supply it up? whilst used to be the final time a guy pulled out a chair for a espresso desk?

For a few unknown cause this wealthy, good-looking superstar made up our minds that grooming and hygiene have been underneath him and he sought after none of it. * Smellarella Bradie child has been joined within the Pig Parade via fellow slobs Robert Pattinson, Colin Farrell and Johnny Depp. at the least Bob, Colie and JD have an excuse: they’re eu. good, not less than Pattinson and Farrell are; Johnny Depp thinks he’s French yet honestly he’s only a child from Kentucky who majored in Dumpster Diving. yet it’s not only males which are embracing fetid filthiness; there are many younger starlets stinking up the joint, too.

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